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Created:	12/26/1999
Category	Kvinder
Language:	Engelsk

>>> Ladies I`m sorry but these are to good to hold back...
>>>
>>> Tell these down your local feminist bar and be one of the crowd!!
>>>
>>> 1. What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt? A pussy is
>>> warm and moist. A cunt is what owns it.
>>>
>>> 2. What's a clitoris? A female hood ornament.
>>>
>>> 3. What's the only bad thing about the 69 position ? The view.
>>>
>>> 4. Why do men fart more than women? Because women won't shut up
>>> long enough to build up pressure.
>>>
>>> 5. Why did cave men drag their women around by the hair? Because if
>>> you drag them around by the feet they fill up with dirt.
>>>
>>> 6. Why did god give men penises? So we'd always have at least one
>>> way to shut a woman up!
>>>
>>> 7. What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick? You
>>> don't have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.
>>>
>>> 8. How is a woman like a laxative? They both irritate the shit out
>>> of you.
>>>
>>> 9. Why did God give women nipples? To make suckers out of men.
>>>
>>> 10. What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig? A woman that won't do
>>> what she's told.
>>>
>>> 11. Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? She was a woman.
>>>
>>> 12. What's the white stuff you find in women's panties? Clitty
>>> litter.
>>>
>>> 13. How do you know God meant for men to eat pussy? Why else would
>>> he make it look like a taco?
>>>
>>> 14. How can you tell if you ve been fucking your girl too much?
>>> Stick your thumb in her asshole and your middle finger up her
>>> snatch. If you can hear yourself snap your fingers, ease off a
>>> little.
>>>
>>> 15. How does a man know when he's eaten pussy well? When he wakes up
>>> in the morning and his face looks like a glazed doughnut.
>>>
>>> 16. What's it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down?
>>> Marriage.
>>>
>>> 17. Why are hangovers better than women? Hangovers will go away.
>>>
>>> 18. What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for? It's
>>> braille for "suck here".
>>>
>>> 19. How can a woman tell she is ugly? Men only want to play dress
>>> poker with her.
>>>
>>> 20. Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than to
>>> improving their minds? Because most men are stupid, but few are
>>> blind.
>>>
>>> 21. What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25
>>> year old does not? Her navel.
>>>
>>> 22. Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
>>>
>>> 23. What do you call pulling off a woman's panty hose? Foreplay.
>>>
>>> 24. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women? He
>>> died laughing before he could tell anybody.
>>>
>>> 25. Did you hear about the woman so fat she couldn t get out of bed?
>>> She kept rocking herself back to sleep.
>>>
>>> 26. What s the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull?
>>> Lipstick.
>>>
>>> 27. How can you tell a macho women? She rolls her own tampons.
>>>
>>> 28. Why is a woman like a dog turd? The older it is, the easier it
>>> is to pick up.
>>>
>>> 29. What's the difference between a woman and a toilet? A toilet
>>> doesn't follow you around once you've used it.
>>>
>>> 30. What do an AIDS patient and the man you caught in bed with your
>>> wife have in common? They've both fucked themselves to an early
>>> death.
>>>
>>> 31. How does a woman know that she is overweight? She's lying at the
>>> beach and people from Greenpeace try to push her back into the
>>> sea.
>>>
>>> 32. How many men does it take to fix the vacuum cleaner?? Why the
>>> fuck should we fix it, we don't use the damn thing!
>>>
>>> 33. Why are women like screen doors? Once they get banged a few
>>> times,they loosen up.
>>>
>>> 34. What's a wife? An attachment you screw on the bed to get the
>>> housework done.
>>>
>>> 35. How do you make your wife scream for an hour after sex? Wipe
>>> your dick on the curtains.
>>>
>>> 36. How do you make a woman scream twice? Fuck her in the ass, then
>>> wipe your dick on the drapes.
>>>
>>> 37. What's the most active muscle in a woman? The penis.
>>>
>>> 38. How do you tell if your woman is sexually aroused? When you put
>>> your hand inside her panties it feels like a horse eating oats.
>>>
>>> 39. How are women like parking spaces? The best ones are taken, and
>>> the rest are handicapped.
>>>
>>> 40. How are girls like rocks? The flat ones are better to skip.
>>>
>>> 41. How do you know if a man has a really ugly wife? Her pet name is
>>> Spot.
>>>
>>> 42. Why do women have tits? So men will talk to them.
>>>
>>> 43. If you are having sex with TWO women and ONE more woman walks in,
>>> what do you have? Divorce proceedings, most likely.
>>>
>>> 44. What's the difference between a woman and a coffin? You come in
>>> one and go in the other.
>>>
>>> 45. How do you make love to a fat chick? Jerk off in your hand and
>>> throw it at her.
>>>
>>> 46. Why do women close their eyes during sex? They can't stand to
>>> see a man having a good time.
>>>
>>> 47. What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
>>> Money.
>>>
>>> 48. What do you call a Playboy centrefold who's a lesbian? Bitch.
>>>
>>> 49. What do you call a woman who can suck an orange through a water
>>> hose? Darling.
>>>
>>> 50. Why do women skydivers wear tampons? So they don't whistle on
>>> the way down.
>>>
>>> 51. How can you tell if a woman is really fat? Her front door has
>>> stretch marks.
>>>
>>> 52. How can you tell if a woman is really fat? She goes to Japan,
>>> and the sumo wrestlers cower in fear.
>>>
>>> 53. How can a woman tell she is flat-chested? She looks down her
>>> dress and the only bumps she sees are knees.
>>>
>>> 54. What are the three reasons that make anal sex better than vaginal
>>> sex? It's warmer, it's tighter, and it's more degrading to the
>>> woman.
>>>
>>> 55. Why is a pussy like a warm toilet seat? They both feel good, but
>>> you wonder who was there before you.
>>>
>>> 56. What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
>>> You can unscrew a light bulb.
>>>
>>> 57. What did King Kong say to Oprah Winfrey? Is it in?
>>>
>>> 58. What's the smartest thing ever to come out of a woman's mouth?
>>> Albert Einstein's dick.
>>>
>>> 59.. Why are fat girls so much fun at country-western bars? You can
>>> get them drunk and play the washboard on their chins.
>>>
>>> 60. Why do women have periods? Because they deserve them.
>>>
>>> 61. Why did God make man first? He didn't want to have a woman
>>> looking over his shoulder.
>>>
>>> 62. What do Kermit the Frog and Roseanne Barr's husband have in
>>> common? They both enjoy fucking pigs.
>>>
>>> 63. What do you call that useless piece of skin around a pussy? A
>>> woman.
>>>
>>> 64. What's the definition of Male Chauvinist Pig? A man who hates
>>> every bone in a woman's body--except his own.
>>>
>>> 65. What's the definition of a menstrual period? A bloody waste of
>>> fucking time.
>>>
>>> 66. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what
>>> have you done wrong? Made her chain too long.
>>>
>>> 67. What's a man's idea of helping with the housework? Lifting his
>>> legs while you vacuum.
>>>
>>> 68. Why does it take five women with PMS to change a light bulb? IT
>>> JUST DOES!!
>>>
>>> 69. Why was the woman crossing the road? Who cares? What the fuck's
>>> the bitch doing out of the kitchen?
>>>
>>> 70. How can you tell if a woman really likes oral sex? She hikes up
>>> her skirt every time someone yawns.
>>>
>>> 71. How can you tell a woman has a huge ass? You have to take a mule
>>> to get to the bottom of her crack.
>>>
>>> 72. How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
>>> None. They let the bitch do it after she finishes the dishes.
>>>
>>> 73. How many women does it take to change a light bulb? None, they
>>> just sit there in the dark and bitch.
>>>
>>> 74. Why is a laundromat a bad place for a guy to pick up women?
>>> Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will
>>> never be able to support you.
>>>
>>> 75. How can a woman tell if her pussy really stinks? A fly lands on
>>> it and throws up.
>>>
>>> 76. What's love? The delusion that one woman is different from
>>> another.
>>>
>>> 77. What should you do if your girlriend starts smoking? Slow down.
>>> And possibly use a lubricant.
>>>
>>> 78. What do you do when the dishwasher won't work? Kick her.
>>>
>>> 79. Did you hear about Delta Burke's tragic suicide attempt? She
>>> tried to harpoon herself.
>>>
>>> 80. Did you hear about the Nancy Kerrigan special at Kentucky Fried
>>> Chicken? Two small breasts and a bruised thigh.
>>>
>>> 81. How can you tell if a woman is flat-chested? She needs
>>> suspenders to hold up her bra.
>>>
>>> 82. What do you call a 300 pound woman? Fat.
>>>
>>> 83. Why are cyclones/tornadoes usually named after women? Because
>>> what starts off as a small blow ends up taking half your house.
>>>
>>> 84. What do the TV shows Green Acres and Roseanne have in common? A
>>> pig named Arnold.
>>>
>>> 85. What's Roseanne Barr's favourite sex toy? Ben-Wa basketballs.
>>>
>>> 86. How can you tell a woman is really trashy? She brings a date to
>>> her wedding.
>>>
>>> 87. How can you tell a woman is really ugly? A cannibal takes one
>>> look at her and orders a salad.
>>>
>>> 88. How can you tell your wife is really gross? One day she doesn't
>>> wear under wear and the dog pukes.
>>>
>>> 89. How do you know a woman is too fat? Young lovers try to carve
>>> their initials into her leg.
>>>
>>> 90. How can you tell if a woman's cooking is really lousy? Natives
>>> from the Amazon come to dip their arrows in it.
>>>
>>> 91. Did you hear about the new feminine hygiene spray called SSY?
>>> That's what you have left after you take the PU out of pussy.
>>>
>>> 92. Why do women have two holes? So when they get drunk you can
>>> carry them like a six-pack.
>>>
>>> 93. How are clams like women? When the red tide comes you don't eat
>>> them.
>>>
>>> 94. What's the difference between your wife and your job? After five
>>> years your job will still suck.
>>>
>>> 95. Why did God create lesbians? So feminists couldn't breed.
>>>
>>> 96. Why do women have belly buttons? To hold your gum on the way
>>> down.
>>>
>>> 97. Why did the Army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?
>>> They fought like animals and retained water for four days.
>>>
>>> 98. Why is a fat woman like a moped? They're both fun to ride, but
>>> you wouldn t want you r friends to see you on either.
>>>
>>> 99. Why can't you trust women? How can you trust something that can
>>> bleed for five days and not die?
>>>
>>> 100. What's the best thing about a blowjob? Ten minutes of silence.
>>>
>>> 101. How can you tell a woman is wearing pantyhose? Her ankles swell
>>> up when she farts.
>>>
>>> 102. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
>>> They don t have balls to scratch.
>>>
>>> 103. What do women and jelly have in common? They both wiggle when
>>> you eat them.
>>>
>>> 104. What s the difference between a women's athletics team and a
>>> tribe of pygmies? The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.
>>>
>>> 105. What s the best thing to give an 80 year old woman? Mikey -
>>> He'll eat anything.
>>>
>>> 106. What's the definition of a woman? A life support system for a
>>> pussy.
>>>
>>> 107. Why do women have legs? So they won't leave snail tracks.
>>>
>>> 108. Why do women have arms? Have you any idea how long it would take
>>> to LICK a bathroom clean?
>>>
>>> 109. What two things in the air can make a woman pregnant? Her legs.
>>>
>>> 110. Did you hear about the new all female delivery service? It s
>>> called UPMS - they deliver whenever the fuck they feel like it.
>>>
>>> 111. What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
>>> Divorced.
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